So recently I was introduced to this amazing television show that, somehow, I totally missed in childhood. It's called Celebrity Deathmatch. Just wanted to let you know.
Anyway, I just wanted to take a minute today and talk about something I am totally passionate about. And that thing is chickens.
I love chicken. I love eating chicken. I love smelling chicken. I love thinking about chicken. I like the breast, the wing, the thigh, all of it. I like chicken broth, chicken fricassee, chicken kiev, chicken and broccoli, chicken kebabs, and the list goes on.
I also like eggs. Eggs come out of chickens. Eggs are great because you can cook them in so many different ways. I think eggs exist purely to make vegetables sexier. Omelets, quiches, fried eggs, hard boiled eggs, deviled eggs, meringue, baking, battering, casserole-ing, egg noodles, challah bread, whatever, man. It's all good.
What I don't love or care about is chickens. Chickens are dumb. They are birds and they have been bred to be as delicious as possible. I don't care if people keep them in cages. Yeah yeah yeah unsanitary this, unhealthy that and yes, I agree with you there. However, if we could make chicken-caging sanitary and healthy for people then I would be even MORE for it. I would vote my ass off to keep all chickens in cages and make them feed me eggs. Chickens don't care. I'm not sure they really have feelings or think about not being in cages. Plus, sometimes people treat each other worse than they treat chickens in cages. Would you like to know how to say "chicken" in Polish?
If chickens were the dominant species on this planet, don't you think they'd put us in cages? And drink our blood? Don't lie to yourself. As current reigning genetic champions of Earth, we should take full advantage of our superior size and mental capacities over other creatures. It's not like they really know the difference. Are cows and nurse sharks and nematodes really out there in the woods or whatever thinking over the choices they could have made to avoid our merciless polluting grasp? Are they considering innovative methods of competing with us for natural resources? Does a chicken ever stop to ponder the philosophical alternatives? No. They don't. Stop giving money to help save animals because animals can't even save themselves. Consider the ancient Chinese proverb about self-sustainability. Could you teach a chicken to fish? If you think not, then don't give it fish.
